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One Blue Line

Posted by Mummy Dearest on Apr-17-2002

photo : The Star Wars Source

The Chinese have an expression which goes something like ‘ Be careful what you wish for – you may get it ‘. Whatever is going on with me, Clear Blue has assured me I am not knocked up, don’t have a bun in the oven, am not going forth and multiplying. And I’m very relieved. Of course, some time next week, I will again tell anyone who will listen that my dearest, deepest wish would be to have another little boy, but faced with a plastic cup of urine, I can assure you, I felt quite differently this morning at 5 am.

If I could just go to the local cabbage patch or put in a special order with a nearby stork, sure, I would love another boy, even a girl. We have the house for it, the lifestyle, the money. But I just don’t have another pregnancy in me, let alone the culturally enforced nightmare of natural childbirth ( Dave’s joke sums up my feeling about natural childbirth, in a rather oblique way.) I don’t glow and grow, I become deathly tired and develop an uncanny resemblance to Jabba the Hut by 5 months.

Yes, I am relieved. I have the little Clear Blue stick here in the back pocket of my jeans. Every now and then, I whip it out and double check it, although the ten minute time span passed hours ago. I will probably do this all day : first, I will pull it out and look at it. Not seeing anything, I will decide that the light in the kitchen is better. Once in the kitchen, again seeing nothing, I will decide that I can really see more in natural sunlight, so I will go and squoosh up by the kitchen door, angling the stick until sunlight falls upon it. Then, I will stare and stare at the wretched stick of plastic until I could probably see the face of the virgin if that is what I wanted to see. Then I will put it back in my pocket and continue my day.

Thank god The Father has been away these past few days. Gave me a chance to vibrate in angst privately.

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