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New Digs

Posted by Mummy Dearest on Dec-29-2002

I’m up here in ‘my room’. In a fit of pique, I dragged my computer up here.

One of the nice things about being 45 is that, by 45, you know what you are like. It may not be the person that you dream of becoming, but you are no longer a surprise to yourself. I’m a quiet person who hates confrontations. I prefer to hide in my little spoiled housewife life, ignoring – for the most part- the sorrows and hardships that I see around me. I like to think ‘ Physician, heal thyself.’ You know, that my part is trying to make the best of the world around me, as I am able. I may not save the world, but perhaps I can teach reverence for life to the kids. When they find a dying bird or frog, they know that I will come and bring it home.

I am not a depressive type of person at all. In a rather simple minded way, I try to find the bright aspect to everything. And so, the very black depression – about as far as one can go, you know, where you start thinking of the kids and all- I have been in the past few days can only fall under that category ‘It’s hormones’.

Sometimes, I hate the comic relief that that phrase gives, for I don’t find it funny at all. It is rather like one has gone insane, and is no longer oneself at all.

The Father and I talked about it tonight. He knows that it is not funny either. I just hope that it lightens up a bit. For, when all is said and done, I haven’t a thing in the world to be so depressed about. Odd that one’s body can be so cruel to oneself.

  1. kane Said,

    “Han and I talked about it tonight. He knows that it is not funny either”.

    Han is a very wise man to make it out of that minefield.

  2. sue Said,

    Well, it seems that admitting that one feels a bit ‘broken’ inside helps. We start the day trying to be kinder to each other. Adjust the dials for my at times flakey reactions, or try to avoid causing them.

    The lowered expectations make me feel much better.

    Say, you look just like you should !

  3. Cindy Said,

    What pisses me off about that small 2 word phrase, ” it’s hormones ” is the sometimes over-bloody-whelming feelings of loss and sadness ( for no obvious reason!) gets reduced to that phrase: It’s Hormones.
    I am so sick of bawling at the drop of a hat. It seems acts of kindness and pure love really reduce me to uncontrollable weaping!
    They call this, in Dutch, the OVERGANG, almost like we want it to be OVER… right? gang?
    (sorry this is so0 long)…Hope you are well, despite.

  4. sue Said,

    I know, I hate the way it is trivialised. Last night, for absolutely no reason ( I didn’t even feel sad !) I ended up crying myself to sleep !

    Yukkus !

    Perhaps though, I’ll just skip overgang-ing- you know, maybe it will all just happen behind the scenes or something while I am pg.

    I can hope, right ?

  5. Cindy Said,

    …or get a double dose, eeek!…( are you preg. now???)
    Happy Changing of The Year…Sue

  6. sue Said,

    Yes, Cindy, there is a bun here in the old oven. It is, by the way, a wonderful cure for night sweats ! Har !

    Happy New Year to you-

  7. Cindy Said,

    That’s great! Sue! I wasn’t sure…Wow, you give me wicked ideas that maybe it IS possible, at 41, to have one more child ( #4!!)with my darling Soutar…gush, gush…I’d really like this…:)
    Youp was funny, huh?

  8. cin Said,

    I honestly can not spell anymore! W-E-A-P????

  9. sue Said,

    Cindy, I was 42 when I had Meg ! By the way, I saw Soutar’s message on your Tagboard : hmmm ?

    I always like Youp. New Year’s Eve without him just isn’t the same and no, I don’t find Freek funny at all. Oh well. I thought that he posed a good question as well : why are so many people so unhappy ?

  10. cindy Said,

    Hi Sue, just read the above…yes, S and I finally have all the paperwork ready to go get hitched. He’s makin’ an honest woman outta’ me…
    haha. I have to make an appt. at Gem House this week.
    freek used to be funny, long ago. and yes, good question from youp…I wonder this seems pandemic!
    take care you!

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