Yesterday as I scrubbed out the main bathroom here, I – not surprisingly- found myself thinking back to my years in Thailand. Although it was three and a half years of my life, for some reason, I always think of it as four years. I’ve never gone back to those memories, packed up in a box the day that we left Thailand, never re-examined- through an adult’s eyes- what was going on there, then.

I must have continued mulling over the past during my sleep, for when I awoke this morning, I had a niggling urge to re- check a page that I had ambled over yesterday, on the computer.

Once the children were off at school and the house was quiet, I went to the ISB site. I had some trouble finding the link that I wanted, but eventually I ended up at the memorial page, for those alumni who have died.

I checked it very carefully. Only one person that I remember dying during that time period was listed. I read that she died in a car accident, coming back from the beach. Gossip whispered in my ear that they had all been drunk, or stoned.

Where could I have heard that from ? My memory of myself at that time is of someone who didn’t speak for 4 years, who wasn’t spoken to. But then, I’m rather like an anorexic in that way, unable to see the truth of my social status. Not really, not clearly. I must have had friends, talked to people, otherwise I wouldn’t be receiving these e-mails, asking me if I was coming to the reunion, would I?

Where did that almost gothic story of the one boy’s death come from ? Where did I hear that ? Was it true that- high on something or another- he had sat in the middle of a highway one night and talked into a portable tape recorder, until- of course- he was hit by something and died ?

I decided to write an email to the web master of the page. He had been there, at that very same time as well. But first I had to check out something, get a few facts.

I went up to the bookcases that Mr.Jo made for me in the hallway and jumping over my Little House on the Prairie gate, went over to the shelf where I kept the Erawans- the ISB year book. They have not held up well over time, the covers hang by threads, the bronze medallions gone. As it happened, the first one that I reached for was exactly the one that I had in mind. The 1972 Erawan.

I remember the scandal that arose after it was published and distributed. On the opening page was a large picture of a strawberry. We all knew ( how ?) that this referred to something called The Strawberry Statement. It was only today that I did a google to see what that actually was. I just remember that it was very scandalous, as well as the photos showing the locks, the barbed wire, and the yearly memorial page, which broke tradition and actually listed the names of those who died.

It was that list that I was looking for. I needed something to confirm my moldering memories.

And then I wrote to the web master and asked him why none of the others were listed, the one’s who died in the early 70′s. I even referred him to the 1972 Erawan.

I wonder if I will hear from him.

me. there.