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Cigarettes

Posted by Mummy Dearest on Apr-19-2010

I really don’t know how I can handle The Father’s incapacity. While I once had dreams of becoming a saint, this is not in me. I know this to be true.

I woke up at 5.10 am this morning,. I have trouble seeing the difference between 5 and 6 on my watch. I have to get up, I am the family alarm clock. I did not know if The Father would be in the bedroom or downstairs once more.

I did it. The Boy and The Baby were off to school on time, everything that they needed with them.

Shortly before 9, The Father came downstairs. He must have slept well, this is good. I tell him to sit down, I will get the things for your breakfast. Which I do. His special spoon, his bowl, his vla. Do you want some orange juice ? Water for your pill ?

That paper vla container is empty. I say, I should wash this before I put it the paper box, but who is going to check this ? He tells me to dump the paper box. I can’t do this. It is a BIG box, and I know that I cannot carry it to the shed. I let this this slide by.

I go to the fridge, to check things out and say, oh crap. He gets annoyed. What is there, a fire in the fridge ? No, there is half of a container of orange juice all over the place. I clean it up, gritting my teeth. Don’t get tetchy with me,I am doing my best here.

After I go to 4 stores, doing the shopping, The Girl comes into the kitchen. Where are the cigarettes ?

Time after time, The Father has told me that she must buy her own smokes. I sit there, ok, what is the policy in this house ? Fine, she will have free access to the cigarettes. I go and get them, put them in the drawer, I don’t care, I just want things cleared up.

I get a very long lecture about how I favor The Boy. Maybe this is because he actually helps me around here, where as The Girl simply gives me her shopping list for the day. She will not go into town, 100 meters away, for anything. I express my concerns about the fact that she has not been in school since she was 15. She is on a road to nowhere. I didn’t say that. The fact that she * works* 3 days a week is thrown in my face. It is a Mickey Mouse job, she tells me this all of the time. She is smart, I want her in school, to develop her potential. To meet new people.

For her * next* school, she needs a laptop. I am saying, well, she is not in her next school yet, why would we buy this now ? We have 4 months and the house taxes are coming up. We have to space the expenses. But in his eyes, I am always anti- Girl.

I will never win this battle, and it should not be a battle.

I am going to take a nap.

I will print out the photos for The Boy, I will make dinner, do the laundry and feed the various humans and animals in this house.

The dust will still be here tomorrow.

  1. Mary Said,

    I have to suggest this. I think its time that you do NOTHING (and I mean NOTHING) for ONE WEEK. Do not cook, do not clean, do not run errands. It sounds extreme, I know, but it doesn’t sound like your family appreciates ANYTHING you do, anyway, so why bother?!?!?! Maybe that’ll teach ‘em???

  2. Mummy Dearest Said,

    Mary, I would love to do this, but I can’t. And that is the end of the story. The fish would die, Baby’s hair would be a mess, no one would remember to give Destin his pills, let alone feed the dogs. They could get by on dinner, take out is great. But I would love to be gone for about a month, believe me. But it would not help the people in this house, it would only hurt them. I know this, even if no one else does.

  3. Mary Said,

    Not being a “mummy” I certainly have no right to push this subject – I’m just pretty sure if we had pulled some of the crap with my mummy that yours have with you, she’da certainly thrown her hands in the air and said “okay, then, I’m done” and it wouldn’tve taken long for all of us to appreciate what she HAD BEEN DOING FOR US ALL ALONG and then appreciated HER much, much more – as it should be.

    At that, I will take the cue and accept this as the end of that story. HOWEVER, you must realize that being a saint IS in you. Anyone else woulda jumped ship long ago!

  4. Mummy Dearest Said,

    Mary, nothing in life is simple. Not really, especially not in this day and age. In the end, it boils down to the most trite of things.. love. You just don’t leave the things that you love, be they cats, dogs , children or a man. Think about it, you would not leave your cats, not knowing if they would be fed, cared for. You just would not, because you love them. You could not walk away.

    I had a perfect mother. I always wanted to be like her, but I am not. I accept this. But I cannot walk away. I just cannot.

  5. Mary Said,

    I understand, I really do. I just feel so badly that it seems everyone (and now everything???) is ganging up on you and that is just not fair. I just thought that if maybe, for a short time, their every need was not met (and I’m not talking the dogs here, I’m sure they mean you no harm!!!!!), they might learn to appreciate all you do.

    Regardless, stay strong. This, too, shall pass!

  6. Mummy Dearest Said,

    Mary, I am going to say this once more, you are only getting my side of the story. I do not handle stress well. I like routines. I love routines. I am not an easy person to live with, nor am I an easy person to love. I would not make this up, I know that this is true. I most likely have some syndrome or another. We all try to work around me. I am very smart, but I can get very annoyed about the dumbest things , like why can no one in this house see the difference between the silver plate and the sterling. Who cares, Mary. In the grand scheme of life, we are talking about drawers here.

    You get my point, don’t you. You are a clever woman.

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